The sight of the long trail of confusing (and unaddressed) emails in your computer server is one of the many ways in which frustration is evident in difficult co-parenting relationships . The rather simple but bothersome task to keep calling, emailing and texting your ex about your children’s whereabouts over and over, perhaps asking a few simple questions about scheduling and financials becomes a doomed enterprise, surely destined to never have a concrete resolution without some added drama.

But non-responsiveness or nastiness doesn’t have to turn into drama all the time. Fortunately there are ways to cope easily accessible to everyone, but only after realizing some useful facts.

First, in the ideal world, parents regularly are able both to confer and discuss matters as two reasonable people for whom the wellbeing of smart and beautiful children in common, is paramount. However, this is not always the case as built up resentment and ego turn communications and attitudes toward each other pretty rough. Sometimes this ugliness gets weathered down with time, sometimes it never does. This is a fact and therefore it must be accepted in the same way as we acknowledge today’s weather. Should you get 90% probability of showers and thunderstorms, just plan accordingly, grab an umbrella or seek shelter.

Second, no matter how you much you put an effort to shine your best self to the world, this ugliness and negativity will get to you at some point. Indeed for many, it is just a matter to experience one’s spirit plummet to historical lows by becoming so weak, depleted and overwhelmed that there is not more vital force to pull you up so you can take care of yourself and children as you are capable to. Further, you can be certain that there will be wake up calls from your ailing body before you may start slipping into dis-ease mode and manifest all kinds of symptoms in your physical body. Sleep disturbances, lack of energy, sudden bursts of anxiety or rage, weight gain, weight loss, newly found immunological challenges and all sort of unpleasant consequences just to name a few.

Extend this vicious cycle for a period of years; ruminate about your anger and frustration instead of taking action and there will be no upper fix, as no prescription drug, steroid, antibiotic or pain killer will be able to bring you back peace and balance. Or try a new and less reactive–healthier-approach to face your challenges.

Heartmath’s Quick Coherence® technique will help you replace those depleting and draining emotions with positive ones that will allow you to stay calm and balanced and react to stressful challenges in this kind of relationship where there won’t be winners of losers, where only wisdom and containment is needed for the sake of you and your family wellbeing. Similarly, Freeze Frame® is a technique that will allow you to stop energy drains resulting from bitter discussions and will enhance your ability for clarity and discernment during stressful situations where your mental functions tend to get compromised. Whenever arguments escalate and one of the sides become reactive, Freeze Frame® will help you maintain focused on what matters the most to you with clarity and purpose.

I do not think anyone gets purposely attached to big drama for the sake of it, unless there is a damaging old pattern that tends to gravitate towards the same dynamics over and over. Then, difficult co-parenting becomes an opportunity for self- improvement and a motivation to actualize positive healthier patterns of behavior that perhaps were not available to our consciousness before. More importantly, consider that the energy that is wasted by sustaining nightmarish co-parenting clashes can be diverted to build up a better future and create more opportunities to you and your family.

I offer individual mentoring and group mentoring using the Hearmath® science based tool and techniques. Remote and in-person sessions available. You can learn more on my website and/or contact me at fvelarde@edulifeconsulting.org

Thanks for visiting my blog,

Good Heart,

Fiorella

women-stress

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